We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
