we made out on top of his cat.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
