I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Welp...herpes.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
