my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
