Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
