got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
