I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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