I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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