My liver just broke up with me...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
