I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
