I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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