genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
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