My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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