i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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