So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
