I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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