No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize