ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
