Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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