I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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