I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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