My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize