the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
