her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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