He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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