Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
