Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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