What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She's the barista slut.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize