grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
