chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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