yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize