is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
