when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
