So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
