i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize