i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize