I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
