i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
