i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
