She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
