ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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