We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
