i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
