I think I died a long time ago.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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