Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
