sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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