Sponge bath it is.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
