I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
