Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
