You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
