So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
