i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
