ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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