my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
