he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
