I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
