If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
