she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
