you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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