I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
