I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
