I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's blow job season.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
