I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i think i just lost a toe
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
