One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
