not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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