I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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