walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
