I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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