"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
