he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
