No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
God, I missed his penis.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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