3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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