is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize