the condom got lost in my hair
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
