Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
