false alarm. still invincible.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
