i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
