nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
