the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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