I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
