return my video game
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
