Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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