the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize