She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
