I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize