the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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