You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
MIDGETS
????
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize