That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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