the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
