why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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