so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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