i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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