dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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