i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize