420 ftw
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
