i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
