Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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