you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
