i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize